so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
