whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
