i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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