So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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