I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
