Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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