Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
