No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
