I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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