No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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