Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
