I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
