dude i'm inner monologue high
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
