then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
