Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
