I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
