Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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