VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
