So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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