I wannas sexs uuuuu
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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