It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
please come you make the beer taste better
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
