I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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