My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
