It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
