OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
