dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
