i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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