Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
