Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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