I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
