Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk walkin through police station. America
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize