I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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