dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
this will be a night to untag.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
