I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
