I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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