The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I think I just sharted jello shots
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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