Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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