I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
