once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
