Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
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He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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