Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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