If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
