My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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