do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
