I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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