How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
