I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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