She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
