I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
