Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
