How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
bring money and cleavage
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
