Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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