There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
