thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
