billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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