How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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