Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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