I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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