i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
