a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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