Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(505): View more from New Mexico

You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call

(720): View more from Colorado

Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days

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(505): You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call (720): Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days http://tfl.nu/6f8h

Replies (4) Good night (1065) Bad night (628)
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(703): View more from Virginia

Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.

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(703): Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid. http://tfl.nu/xyt3

Replies (37) Good night (7226) Bad night (846)
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(763): View more from Minnesota

Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.

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(763): Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault. http://tfl.nu/lznh

Replies (115) Good night (6546) Bad night (836)
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(949): View more from California

I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.

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(949): I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation. http://tfl.nu/8430

Replies (23) Good night (5959) Bad night (756)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach

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(401): The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach http://tfl.nu/jjm1

Replies (11) Good night (4601) Bad night (1406)
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(914): View more from New York

Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?

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(914): Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later? http://tfl.nu/xxzo

Replies (20) Good night (4702) Bad night (934)
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(251): View more from Alabama

2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary

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(251): 2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary http://tfl.nu/6uuf

Replies (8) Good night (1011) Bad night (1664)
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(516): View more from New York

you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.

(1-516): View more from New York

right. well we all have our lows.

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(516): you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk. (1-516): right. well we all have our lows. http://tfl.nu/vj3x

Replies (4) Good night (1164) Bad night (1406)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing

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(803): happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing http://tfl.nu/1mhx

Replies (2) Good night (1341) Bad night (732)
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(512): View more from Texas

I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck

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(512): I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck http://tfl.nu/fgif

Replies (8) Good night (1008) Bad night (487)
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(817): View more from Texas

When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?

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(817): When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control? http://tfl.nu/7vjk

Replies (3) Good night (670) Bad night (272)
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(740): View more from Ohio

Got another job?

(607): View more from New York

If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.

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(740): Got another job? (607): If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job. http://tfl.nu/7dk4

Replies (1) Good night (644) Bad night (284)
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(914): View more from New York

Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo

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(914): Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo http://tfl.nu/y87c

Replies (6) Good night (365) Bad night (647)
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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.

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(321): Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning. http://tfl.nu/diz8

Replies (2) Good night (660) Bad night (276)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.

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(505): Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who. http://tfl.nu/ct81

Replies (2) Good night (356) Bad night (718)

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