Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
