ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
