i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol