Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
