Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.

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  (619): He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting. http://tfl.nu/l79o
  Replies (58) Good night (950) Bad night (3726)
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  (805): View more from California

  It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"

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  (805): It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!" http://tfl.nu/5h66
  Replies (38) Good night (7390) Bad night (882)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  what's for breakfast?

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Advil and throwup

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  (404): what's for breakfast? (678): Advil and throwup http://tfl.nu/nzn0
  Replies (19) Good night (1519) Bad night (5628)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  suggestion: become a stripper.

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  (774): just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed. (508): suggestion: become a stripper. http://tfl.nu/xaou
  Replies (22) Good night (4708) Bad night (1020)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.

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  (709): apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos. http://tfl.nu/b1xi
  Replies (22) Good night (1221) Bad night (4182)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.

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  (313): The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two. http://tfl.nu/ya0u
  Replies (31) Good night (6728) Bad night (1253)
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  (415): View more from California

  sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.

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  (415): sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you. http://tfl.nu/c5wc
  Replies (24) Good night (5191) Bad night (1261)
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  (408): View more from California

  Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape

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  (408): Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape http://tfl.nu/uzlj
  Replies (10) Good night (4098) Bad night (1519)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.

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  (616): We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style. http://tfl.nu/liij
  Replies (2) Good night (2149) Bad night (722)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.

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  (520): One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops. http://tfl.nu/4y8e
  Replies (10) Good night (2056) Bad night (724)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?

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  (716): Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose? http://tfl.nu/8x2f
  Replies (13) Good night (791) Bad night (1654)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.

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  (816): Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines. http://tfl.nu/u22h
  Replies (1) Good night (1424) Bad night (597)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister

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  (605): You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister http://tfl.nu/xlrp
  Replies (13) Good night (675) Bad night (1682)
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  (714): View more from California

  I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.

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  (714): I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior. http://tfl.nu/g7q9
  Replies (5) Good night (572) Bad night (362)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?

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  (443): Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test? http://tfl.nu/y1t4
  Replies (2) Good night (150) Bad night (358)

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