Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
How's work?
Spinning.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
