It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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