Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
