well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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