You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
