Someone shit on the floor
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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