I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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