This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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