This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
