Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
