Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
either way he was missing a nipple.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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