I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
