you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
